[Oneshot] Forever With Me Parts 1 - 6 (TakaYama)

Guest

Title: Forever With Me
Author: Saida
Summary: Yamada has an illness.
Rating: T
Genre: Angst, romance
Notes: I'm so sorry if this fic is plain weird. It doesn't come out as I planned. And it doesn't have as much fluff as I wanted it too...:( I hope this fic is not going in circles. This always happenes when I try to wrte angst. I know there's a lot of awkward phrases in this fic too...(_o_) Well, I hope everyone enjoys this fic. *me: shoots myself*

Work was over for the day. Every member of Hey! Say! JUMP had returned home. Takaki thought he was the only one left…until he felt someone embracing him from behind.

Takaki smiled, smelling the familiar scent. He knew who it was. He chuckled. “Ryo-chan, what are you doing?”

“I just wanted to hug you.”

Takaki chuckled at Yamada’s childish answer. “Ryo-chan.”

After a short silence, Yamada asked, “Yuya, if…if I’m no longer here, will you remember me forever?”

“Why are you asking me this, Ryo-chan?” Takaki asked.

“Please, Yuya, just answer me,” Yamada said, burying his face in Takaki’s back.

Takaki smiled. “Of course I will remember you forever, Ryosuke. No matter how long, no matter where you go, I’ll wait and love you forever.”

Yamada smiled. Takaki used his name, and not his nickname. That means Takaki was serious, not that he wasn’t serious before. “I’m happy,” Yamada said. “But I don’t want you to say you’ll love me forever. That would be selfish of me.”

Suddenly, Takaki had a weird feeling in his heart. ‘Why is Ryo-chan acting like this? As if he’s trying to say goodbye,’ Takaki thought. “Why are you saying things like that?” Takaki asked. He didn’t want the same thing to repeat itself. Being separated from Yamada for more than two weeks was hell enough. He tried to turn around so that he could face Yamada but the younger teen hugged him tighter.

“Please, Yuya,” Yamada said. “Just let me hug you a little while longer. I want to remember your fragrance forever.”

“Aah,” Takaki said. He tried not to think of it. But no matter what, in his heart, he had a bad feeling that something was wrong.

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That night, Takaki was awaken by the ringing of his cell phone. He looked at the caller id. It was Yabu. He looked at the alarm clock. ‘I hope Yabu has a good reason for calling me at four in the morning,’ he thought as he answered the call.

“Takaki?” he heard Yabu said from the other line.

Takaki answered grumpily, “Who do you think it would b-…”

“Takaki, get yourself to the Tokyo Hospital now,” Yabu cut him off. “Yama-chan is in critical state.”

Takaki was fully awake now. “What?” he said. He knew something was up when Yamada suddenly asked questions like that last night. “W-What h-happened?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“It’s…It’s hard for me to explain on the phone, Takaki,” Yabu said. “Just get over here now.” And for once, Takaki complied without questions.

“Yabu,” Takaki called out as he rushed towards the older guy.

Yabu stood up when he saw Takaki. The younger BEST member grabbed their leader’s shoulders with both his hands. “Yabu, what’s going on?” They were in front of the operation room. On the bench nearer to the door, Mr. and Mrs. Yamada sat. Mr. Yamada was comforting the crying Mrs. Yamada. Shoon’s parents and Reon sat on the bench opposite to them

“Let’s talk about this over coffee,” Yabu said after Takaki had let him go.

“Yabu! This is a serious matter. I…” Takaki felt tears running down his cheeks. He felt so helpless, knowing nothing about what’s going on with Yamada except that he’s currently in the surgery room.

“I think we should talk in a place far away from Mr. and Mrs. Yamada,” Yabu whispered. “They need their privacy.”

Takaki nodded his head, wiping his tears away.

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“Here,” Yabu said, handing Takaki his cup of coffee. Yabu and Takaki were sitting near the vending machine on the 2^nd floor. Yabu decided to buy both of them a cup of coffee while Takaki calms himself down. “It’s my treat.”

“Thanks,” Takaki replied. He held the hot cup of coffee with both his hands. “Yabu, what happened to Ryosuke?” he asked softly.

“Yama-chan is undergoing a bone marrow transplant,” Yabu said. “He has leukemia.”

Takaki looked at the floor. “W-What?”

There was a short silence before Yabu answered him. “He found out two months ago.”

“Two months ago…” Takaki repeated. He gripped the coffee cup hard. Why didn’t he noticed what’s happening with Yamada. He was angry with himself for that. “Kuso!” Takaki hit the bench he’s sitting on with clenched fist. “I should have notice something was wrong. He was acting weird last night.”

“He didn’t want anyone to know,” Yabu said. “He made Johnny-san and I swore to secrecy.”

Takaki looked at Yabu. “When did you find out?”

“He told me,” Yabu answered. “The same time he told Johnny-san.”

FLASHBACK

TWO MONTHS AGO

“Tadaima,” Yamada said when he arrived home from Jimusho.

“Okaeri, Ryo-chan,” his mother said. “We’re in the kitchen. Come and have dinner.”

“Hai,” Yamada replied. As he walked towards the closet to keep his coat, he felt his visions blurry. He shook it off. He’s been dizzy lately, but he convinced himself that it was because of the stress of work.

On his way to the kitchen, he felt a liquid substance flowing from his nose. He touched it. It was blood. He wiped it off. He continued his was to the kitchen. His dizziness is getting worse, and he’s seeing double. Once he reached the kitchen, he saw his mother, father, older sister and younger sister. On his way to the table, his pupil rolled up and he passed out.

When he woke up, his mother was right beside him. Touching his head, Yamada asked, “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital,” his mother answered. “You passed out last night.”

“Oh,” Yamada said. He tried to sit up, and his mother helped him by putting the pillows behind his back.

“I’ve phoned your school and the Jimusho, so you don’t need to worry about skipping,” his mother told him. Yamada nodded his head. “Now, you rest and I’ll go and see your doctor.”

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A few days later, Yamada and both his parents went to the hospital to see Sakura-sensei, Yamada’s doctor. She had called earlier, asking them to meet her at the hospital.

“This is Ryosuke-kun’s blood test,” she said, holding the results in her hands.

“So, is there anything wrong with Ryosuke?” Mr. Yamada asked.

“I’m sorry to give you this bad news but it seems like Ryosuke-kun has leukemia,” Sakura-sensei answered.

Mr. Yamada stopped in his tracks, and Mrs. Yamada hugged her son. Yamada’s eyes went wide.

“Is there any way to cure him?” his father asked.

“Unfortunately, we haven’t found a cure for leukemia yet but there’s a chance to be cured with a bone marrow transplant,” Sakura-sensei said, “That is the best method but it’s hard to find a suitable donor.”

“C-Can I be a donor?” his mother asked.

“Usually, the best choice for donors are siblings,” Sakura-sensei said. “Does Ryosuke-kun have any siblings?”

“Yes,” his father said. “An older sister and a younger sister.”

“You could take them here tomorrow or anytime this week to see if they are a suitable donor,” Sakura-sensei said. “If one of their bone marrow matches Ryosuke-kun’s, he could immediately do the operation.”

“If my sisters’ bone marrow doesn’t match, how long do I have to live?” Yamada asked out of the blue. Mr. and Mrs. Yamada, and Sakura-sensei looked at Yamada who’s been silent since the beginning.

“If there’s no suitable donor, you’ll be put in the waiting list,” Sakura-sensei said. “While waiting, you’ll be undergoing the chemotherapy. It will kill the cancer cells in your body, and it might give you hope to be cured.”

“I want to know how long I have left?!” Yamada said, louder than he intended.

“Two months the least,” Sakura-sensei answered.

When Yamada’s mother hugged him tighter, a tear slipped down Yamada’s cheek.

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Both Johnny-san and Yabu are looking at Yamada. Yamada had just told them about his condition. Yabu was looking at him with sad eyes; the eyes belong to a caring older brother.

“Yamada-kun, does this mean you’re quitting Jimusho?” Johnny asked.

“There…There may be times I won’t be able to dance or perform, b-but if it’s okay, I wish to continue performing,” Yamada said with determination. He bowed at Johnny and Yabu. “Onegaishimasu!”

Johnny looked at Yabu. “Yabu-kun, you’re the leader of Hey! Say! JUMP. I’ll let you make the decision.”

Yabu stared at Yamada for a short while. Then, he went beside the still-bowing Yamada. He bowed as well. “Johnny-san please let Yama-chan stay in the Jimusho. Hey! Say! JUMP won’t be the same without him.”

Johnny inwardly smiled at the two teens. “But if anything happens during concerts or such, Yabu-kun will be responsible.”

“Hai!” Yabu said. “Arigatougozaimasu.” Both him and Yamada stood up straight.

“Johnny-san, if it’s possible, could you keep my condition a secret from everyone?"

“Done,” Johnny said.

After giving their respect to Johnny, Yabu and Yamada left Johnny’s office. The BEST member and 7 member walked in silence.

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“How long have you known?” Yabu asked, breaking the silence.

Yamada was looking at the floor. “A few days ago.”

“Are you going to do a bone marrow transplant?”

Yamada shook his head. Yabu was surprised, but he refrained himself from saying it. “My sisters’ bone marrow isn’t suitable, and so was my parents’. So, I’ll have to do chemotherapy while I wait for a donor.”

Yabu just nodded his head. Not long after, they were finally in front of Hey! Say! JUMP’s room. Before they entered, Yabu said, “Yama-chan, if there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to tell me. I’m happy that you trust me enough to tell something this important.”

Yamada nodded his head. “Arigatou.”

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Two weeks later, they were having a dance practice for a concert. It was their break time; Yamada was sitting at a corner, alone, drinking his water.

“You know, Dai-chan,” Chinen, whose sitting on Daiki’s lap, said. “I’ve been watching Yama-chan lately, and he seems to be really tired.”

“I noticed it too, Chii,” Daiki said.

“He seems to be ignoring Yuyan as well,” Chinen said as he looked pointedly at Takaki, who’s currently talking to Keito about something.

Suddenly, Yamada stood up abruptly and ran off somewhere. Takaki saw it and so did Yabu. Takaki was going to follow his lover when Yabu grabbed the younger teen’s hand.

“What the-…” Takaki was about to say when Yabu cut in, saying, “I’ll deal with Yama-chan.”

Takaki just kept silence as he stared at Yabu running after his Yamada. Chinen and Daiki watched from afar. ‘Since when does Yabu and Yama-chan started getting close?’

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Yabu found Yamada in the toilet not far from JUMP’s room. He was kneeling in front of the toilet.

“Yama-chan, are you alright?” Yabu said, running towards the younger member.

“Yabu-kun,” Yamada said, before he threw up again.

Yabu rubbed Yamada’s back. “You’re a mess. You have to go home and rest, Yama-chan.”

“But practice…”

“You’re in no condition to practice,” Yabu cut in. “Don’t worry about the others, I’ll explain it to them. Besides, I did tell Johnny-san that I’d take responsibility.” Yabu smiled at the younger teen.

Yamada’s shoulder shook as droplets of tears fell to the floor. “Gomen, Yabu-kun,” he said. “I’m bringing trouble too the group.”

“Don’t say that, Yama-chan,” Yabu said. “You’re like a brother to us, and a best friend.”

“A-Arigatou, Yabu-kun,” Yamada said. Yabu helped Yamada up. “Please don’t tell Yuya about this.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Yabu said. “Now let’s call your mother, ne?” Yamada nodded his head.

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Half an hour later, Yabu returned to Hey! Say! JUMP’s practice room. He told them that Yamada was sick and his mother had picked him up. Takaki went towards Yabu.

“We need to talk,” Takaki said.

“Practice is starting,” said Yabu. The older teen knew what Takaki wanted to talk about. “We’ll talk after practice.” Yabu was using his leader voice, so Takaki have to oblige.

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Yabu and Takaki walked home together. “What is it you wanted to talk about?”

“What is going on between you and Ryo-chan?” Takaki asked.

“Nothing,” Yabu said. “He’s like a brother to me, that’s it.”

“Then why did you stopped me earlier?” Takaki asked.

“Because I am responsible for all JUMP members,” Yabu answered. He stopped walking and looked at Takaki. “Look, Takaki, Yama-chan love you okay, and I love Shoon so there’s no romance between us. You need trust Yama-chan.”

For the rest of the journey, Yabu and Takaki walked in silence. After a few blocks, Yabu said, “Well, this is my destination. Remember Takaki, just trust Yama-chan. Give him his space and time.”

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END OF PART 1

Guest

On Saturday morning, Takaki went to Yamada’s house. They had a date that day. Takaki pressed the doorbell.

“Takaki-kun?” It was Yamada’s older sister who answered the door.

“Uh, Ryo-chan no nee-san,” Takaki said. “Can I see Ryosuke?”

“Sure,” Yamada’s sister said. “Come inside.”

Yamada’s sister led Takaki to the kitchen where Yamada was currently eating breakfast.

“Yuya?” Yamada said, surprised, when he saw Takaki.

“What brings you here, Takaki-kun?” Mrs. Yamada asked.

“Uhm, I’m picking Ryo-chan for our date,” Takaki explained. Both their family knows about their relationship already. Of course, who wouldn’t notice if they almost made out in the hallway.

Yamada’s father looked at him. “Ryosuke, you haven’t told…”

“Ah, Yuya, let’s talk outside,” Yamada said, immediately standing up. On the porch, Takaki and Yamada talked.

“Ryo-chan, what did your father meant? What haven’t you told me?”

“I can’t go out with you today, Yuya,” Yamada said. He averted his eyes away from Takaki. “There’s somewhere else I need to go to.”

Takaki tried to hide his frown. “Oh, I see,” he said. “You made other plans even though you know we have a date?” Then, something caught his eyes. He grabbed Yamada’s right hand. “How did you get these bruises?”

Yamada yanked his hand from Takaki. “It’s nothing,” he answered.

“Ryo-chan…”

“I told you it’s nothing!” Yamada yelled. He ran into the house.

Takaki stood outside alone, the words Yabu told him replaying in his mind.

“Trust Yama-chan. Give him his space and time.”

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Yabu cornered Takaki as soon as he saw the younger member when he arrived at JUMP’s room.

“I told you not to push Yama-chan,” Yabu hissed.

Keito, who was reading a book, and Inoo, who was practicing his lines, could feel the tensed atmosphere. Inoo dragged Hikaru out of the room, and Keito dragged Ryutaro.

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“Keito-kun, what are you doing?” Ryutaro asked.

“Uhm, taking you to…. to Chinen,” Keito lied. “H-He is going to stalk Ohno-kun again.”

Ryutaro clenched his fists. “Oh, he is going to get it,” the youngest member of JUMP said as he stomped off in search for his lover. Keito was left alone in the hallway.

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“Kei-chan, what are you doing? Why’d you drag me out?” Hikaru asked his boyfriend. He was in the midst of playing his Nintendo, and was about to defeat the master when Inoo dragged him out. “I was so close in winning.”

“Can’t you feel the tense atmosphere in there?” Inoo asked.

Hikaru looked at him blankly. “Huh?”

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“I didn’t push him,” Takaki retort.

“Then why did he cried to me yesterday?!” Yabu yelled. He knew he shouldn’t mention his conversation with Yamada, but he just thought it was unfair.

Takaki let out a dry chuckle. “So, he went to you for comfort, huh?”

“I told you, Takaki, he’s just like a little brother to me,” Yabu said. “Just like Jin and I.”

“I’ve been observing you and Ryo-chan since a few weeks ago,” Takaki said. “He always went to you for everything. I AM supposed to be his lover.”

“Takaki, you have to trust Yama-chan,” Yabu said.

“How could I trust him when he won’t tell me anything?!” Takaki snapped. He just couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. He hated it, being left out in the dark, not being able to help the one he loves.

The sound of something dropped to the ground made both BEST members of their surrounding. Yabu was the first one to see him.

“Yama-chan,” JUMP’s leader said. Takaki immediately averted his gaze to the doorway.

“G-Gomen,” Yamada said. “I-I just- I just want to keep my bag.” He walked inside the room silently, not making eye contacts with either Takaki or Yabu. After he put it on a chair, beside Yuto’s and Chinen’s things, he ran out of the room before anyone could say anything.

‘Ryo-chan,’ Takaki thought.

“Go,” Yabu said. “This time you are the one who have to fix it.”

Yabu needn’t have to tell him twice. Takaki immediately ran after his lover. He accidentally bumped into Yuto in the hallway.

“No, my science project,” Yuto cried in despair, looking at cracked eggs on the floor.

Daiki patted his back sympathetically. “You could always do extra credit.”

“This IS my extra credit,” Yuto said, looking at the BEST member with teary eyes.

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Yamada sat on the swing, swinging it slowly with his legs. He was at the park, not far from the Jimusho. ‘I shouldn’t be surprised,’ Yamada thought. ‘I’m at fault too, for keeping him in the dark.’ Yamada looked at the sky. The sun is hiding behind the cloud. ‘What will happen if I can’t be saved?’ Yamada could feel the hot tears running down his cheeks.

“Ryo-chan,” he heard Takaki’s voice from behind. Yamada quickly wiped his tears and stood up. He stood facing Takaki. “Ryo-chan, I’m sorry,” he said.

“No, Yuya,” Yamada said. “You were right. How could you trust me if I didn’t tell you anything?” ‘This is for the best.’

“Ryo-chan, please forget everything I just said,” Takaki begged. “I didn’t mean anything. I-…”

“I think it’s best if we keep our distance for awhile, Yuya,” Yamada said. Every word made his heart crush little by little.

Takaki pulled Yamada in a tight embrace. “Ryo-chan, please don’t do this.”

Yamada blinked away the tears forming in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Yuya.’ He pulled away. “I really think we need this alone time.” Takaki didn’t say anything. He just stood there motionlessly. “I’m going back to the Jimusho, Yu- I mean, Takaki-kun.” As he walked away, he thought, ‘If I really can’t be saved, this way you won’t be hurt too much, Yuya.’

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END OF PART 2

Guest

One month had pass since Yamada found out about his illness. He’s condition is getting worse, even when he’s doing chemotherapy.

During lunch break, Yuto went to the rooftop to look for Yamada. He knew his best friend always spends his lunch break there.

“Hey,” Yuto said when he found Yamada, who was staring into space. He snapped his fingers in front of the older boy. “Yama-chan,” he called out.

Yamada snapped out of his thought. Giving his best friend a sheepish smile, he said, “Gomen ne, Yuto.”

“Are you thinking about Takaki-kun again?” Yuto asked, glancing at Yamada.

At first, Yamada kept silence. Then, he said, “Yes, I am.”

“I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn,” Yuto said. “I mean, you are obviously depressed without him, and so is he. So, why don’t you just make up?”

“Because it will hurt less later,” Yamada answered, looking at the sky.

Although Yuto didn’t know what, but he knew there’s a big meaning behind Yamada’s words. He frowned. “Yama-chan, I know there’s something you’re hiding from me, even if you didn’t tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Yamada replied.

“You’ve been losing weight, Yama-chan, and you have bruises all over your body,” Yuto said. Yamada’s eyes widened, and Yuto continued, “Although you tried to hide the bruises Yama-chan, but I still noticed it. When you forgot to roll down your sleeves, or when you thought no one was looking when we were in the changing room.” Yuto looked directly at Yamada. “I know this may sound rude, Yama-chan…but were you- were you abused? Did your father hit you?”

“No!” Yamada said. “Yuto, you know my father, he would never do something like that.” His voice cracked. He couldn’t keep things to himself anymore. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

Seeing this, Yuto panicked. He didn’t mean to make Yamada upset. “I’m sorry, Yama-chan. I was overboard.”

Yamada shook his head. “It’s- it’s not you,” he said. He wiped away his tears. “There’s something I want to tell you, but please promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

From Yamada’s tone, Yuto could tell that this was something very important. “I promise.”

“I have leukemia,” Yamada confessed.

“Isn’t that an incurable illness?” Yuto asked.

“There’s a chance for me to be cured with a bone marrow, but I haven’t found a suitable donor yet,” Yamada answered. “Sakura-sensei chemotherapy might give me a chance, but the bruises on my body obviously states otherwise.”

“Is this why you decided to stay away from Takaki-kun?” Yuto asked. Yamada nodded his head. “Does the others know?” Yuto asked a few moments later.

“Only Yabu-kun and Johnny-san,” Yamada answered. “There’s only one month left for me if I don’t find a donor.”

Both best friends stood there in silence.

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“Yama-chan,” Yamada heard his band mates’ voices calling out his name. He opened his eyes slowly; the light was blinding his eyes.

“What happened?” Yamada asked.

“We’re the one who should be asking,” Inoo said. “You passed out in the middle of the concert.”

“Gomen,” Yamada said. He tried to stand up but there was simply no more energy left in his body. He fell back on the couch.

“Just lay down, Yama-chan,” Yabu instructed. “I’ll explain to Johnny-san everything. You don’t have to be worried.”

“Yabu-kun,” Yamada said, looking at JUMP’s leader.

“Actually, Yabu, it’s not alright,” Hikaru suddenly said. “We’re not blind, and we could clearly see that something’s wrong with Yama-chan. Even Chinen and Ryutaro noticed it. JUMP is not just a group. We’re family, aren’t we? So, please let us in.” There was sincerity in Hikaru’s eyes. It was rare to see him like this.

“Hikaru…” Inoo said under his breath.

“There’s nothing to tell, Hikaru,” Yabu lied.

“Then how do you explain the bruises on Yama-chan’s hands and legs?” Hikaru asked. When Yabu didn’t say anything, Hikaru added in softly, “We never keep secrets when we were in Ya Ya Yah.” After that, Hikaru immediately left and went to the showers.

“I’ll go after him,” Inoo said softly. The atmosphere is very awkward right now. Everyone was silent, avoiding eye contacts from one another, especially Yamada.

“Uhm, I’m hitting the showers,” Chinen said. “Let’s go, Ryutaro, Dai-chan,” he said to his lover and his best friend.

“Chinen’s right,” Yabu said. “Yama-chan, I want you to rest here first while we shower, okay?” Yamada nodded his head. He lay down and closed his eyes. It doesn’t take more than 5 minutes for Yamada to fall asleep.

“I think we should leave now, Takaki,” Yabu said.

Takaki was looking at Yamada lovingly. Ever since they broke up, they never really said a word to each other, and avoided crossing paths. When Yamada passed out on stage while singing his solo, Takaki really wanted to run on stage to Yamada. He really wanted to caress Yamada’s hair and face, like he used to.

Yabu sighed. Yabu supported Yamada 100 percent, but seeing them like this, it just made his heart ached. Yamada is simply hurting himself by telling Takaki they need to keep their distance, and it is hurting Takaki too. Yabu gave his young friend a sad smile. “Just be careful, Takaki,” Yabu advised, and left to the shower room.

Takaki went closer to Yamada. He stared at Yamada’s sleeping face, his angel’s sleeping face. He traced his finger down Yamada’s face until it reached the area under his lips. It was faint, but there was still a bruise there. Takaki touched it softly; careful, afraid that it might cause pain to Yamada.

‘What happened to you, Ryo-chan?’ Takaki thought. ‘Who inflicted this pain on you?’ He averted his eyes at Yamada’s hands. There were some faint bruises on them too. ‘Ryo-chan, am I not trustworthy enough? That you couldn’t tell me what’s been happening with you, how you got all these bruises.’

Takaki was about to leave when Yamada called out his name.

“Yuya.”

Takaki closed his eyes as the tears he’s been holding showered down. He’s been waiting, waiting for so long to hear Yamada’s cute voice to call out his name. He missed it, Takaki missed his energetic Ryo-chan, the Ryo-chan that would sit on his lap when he thought the others weren’t watching, and the Ryo-chan that would pout and make puppy-dog eyes when he wanted something. Takaki truly misses the childish Yamada.

‘When I ever look into his eyes, it seems like the child in him is gone forever,’ Takaki thought.

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END OF PART 3

Guest

‘It’s now or never,’ Yabu thought. That day, when his classes had ended, Yabu went to the Tokyo Hospital. Last night, he had made an appointment with Sakura-sensei, Yamada’s doctor, but he told Sakura-sensei not to tell Yamada or any of Yamada’s family members. Yabu wanted to check whether his bone marrow is suitable for Yamada. He didn’t want to crush Yamada’s hope if his bone marrow wasn’t suitable. After letting out a deep breath, Yabu entered the hospital. Unknown to him, Shoon was following him.

Shoon’s classes ended earlier than usual that day, so Shoon decided to walk together with Yabu to the jimusho. He saw Yabu exiting the university, so he called out his lover’s name. But Yabu didn’t hear him; it’s like he’s in a hurry to be somewhere. He decided to follow Yabu, and soon, Yabu led him to the Tokyo hospital. Shoon frowned. ‘Is Kota sick?’ he thought. When he saw Yabu entered the hospital, he followed suit. Shoon saw Yabu entered Sakura-sensei’s office.

30 minutes later

Yabu exited Sakura-sensei’s office. “Arigatou, sensei,” Yabu bowed before he closed the door.

“Kota, why did you see an oncologist?” Shoon asked. He appeared in front of Yabu before the teen could step away from his spot.

“Shoon?” Yabu said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m the one who should ask you that,” Shoon said. He went closer towards Yabu. While waiting for his lover, Shoon had asked a nurse who passed by about Sakura-sensei. She was a specialist in Oncology. “Do…D-Do you have cancer?” He looked directly in Yabu’s eyes.

“No,” Yabu said, looking away from Shoon. He couldn’t tell him the reason why he came, that was the whole purpose of going without anyone’s knowledge.

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“Hey, Yama-chan, let’s go to the pastry shop near the train station,” Yuto said as the two of them walked towards the school’s gate. “I’ll treat you your favorite strawberry shortcake.”

Yamada smiled. “Thanks, Yuto.”

“Hey, what’s up at the gate?” Yuto said when they saw a crowd gathering near the gate.

Yamada saw the person that had gathered the crowd. “It’s Yu- I mean, Takaki.” The name was spoken softly.

“Takaki-kun’s waiting for you,” Yuto said.

“B-But I…”

Yuto ignored Yamada’s protest and pushed Yamada towards the crowd. The girls gave way when they saw the other two idols from Johnny. Yuto smiled at the girls for giving ways to them. Yuto stopped when they were directly in front of Takaki. Before Yamada could ask what Yuto was about to do, Yuto pushed Yamada in Takaki’s arms.

“Please take care of Yama-chan, Takaki-kun,” Yuto said.

Takaki shook away his shock and smiled gratefully at Yuto. “I’ll never let Ryo-chan hurt.”

Yamada tried to struggle out of Takaki’s hold. He looked at Yuto pleadingly. His best friend just gave him an apologetic look.

‘I know you don’t want Takaki-kun to get hurt, Yama-chan, but I can’t bear seeing you hurt yourself like this,’ Yuto thought.

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END OF PART 4

Guest

Takaki and Yamada walked in silence towards the park. Yamada walked silently behind Takaki. Yamada tried to make excuses in his head, so that he could escape from Takaki.

Suddenly, Yamada felt someone hugging him from behind.

“Please, don’t try to struggle away.”

It was Takaki. Yamada could feel his breath down his neck. Takaki was walking in front of him, wasn’t he? He didn’t even notice when Takaki had went behind him. Fortunately, they were at a secluded place so no one could see them like this in public.

The two of them stood in silence. Only the sound of the wind could be heard. After a few moments, Takaki finally said, “I’m sorry.” Yamada just kept quiet, looking down at the ground. “I tried to keep my distance, Ryosuke, I really did. But it was too hard. I can’t live without talking to you, hearing from your own mouth that you’re okay. When you collapsed during the concert, I- I was really scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to see you anymore.” Takaki buried his face at Yamada’s neck. The younger teen could feel the hot tears from Takaki’s face. “Please, don’t leave me.”

The last sentence from Takaki really made Yamada’s heart ached. The excuses he had made earlier to escape situations like this had all disappeared from his memory. It’s just that he’s mind wouldn’t let him. Deep down, he knew, the truth was he couldn’t bear being apart from Takaki any longer. Every time he saw Takaki in the jimusho, he felt his heart ached. He really wanted to run up to Takaki, to kiss him as a greeting, but he knew that would be selfish.

Yamada felt his tears fell. Droplets of it fell onto Takaki’s hands, which were wrapped around Yamada’s waist. Yamada put both his hands on top the older teen’s hand. “Yuya, please hold me tight.” 'Just this once I want to be selfish.'

Takaki complied without saying a word. He was happy; he was able to be with Yamada again. “I love you,” he whispered.

-------------------------------------------

Yabu was reading the test result in JUMP’s room. He was alone since the 7 members were out for a photo shoot, and the other four BEST members, Yabu didn’t want to know where they were.

‘Kuso, I can’t help Yama-chan either,’ Yabu thought. The result showed that his bone marrow was unsuitable for Yamada. When he heard the door opened, Yabu quickly put the result back into the envelope and into his sling bag. Shoon was at the door.

“Hey,” Shoon said, walking over to his boyfriend and gave him a kiss. “Sorry about the other day,” he apologized. He was on a trip for his schoolwork the last few days so he didn’t have a chance to apologize to Yabu, and Shoon really didn’t want to apologize by phone.

Yabu smiled. “There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said.

Shoon returned the smile. “Hey, do you want to go out with me now? Unless you’re busy,” he added in when he saw the paper works on the table.

“Nope, I’m free,” said Yabu. He stood up and slings his sling bag on his shoulder. “Where are you taking me?

Shoon wrapped his arm around Yabu’s waist. “Let’s go to the café nearby.” Yabu agreed.

20 minutes later

“I’m going to the toilet for awhile, okay?” Yabu said.

Shoon nodded his head. When Yabu had left, he heard Yabu’s cell phone ringing. Shoon decided to answer it, afraid that it might be something important. But when he opened the bag, the envelope from the hospital caught his eyes. After a few minutes debating with himself, Shoon took the envelope quickly and put it in his own bag. By that time, the phone had stopped ringing. He quickly zipped the bag and put it at its place before Yabu returned.

--------------------------------

After Shoon took his bath, he remembered the envelope he found in Yabu's bag; the envelope from the hospital. He took it out from his bag. He started reading it.

‘Yama-chan has leukemia,’ Shoon thought after reading the result. ‘That’s why Kota went to see Sakura-sensei, to be Yama-chan’s donor.’ The recipient for the bone marrow was written on the result, so that’s how Shoon knew Yamada has cancer. ‘Unfortunately Yabu’s bone marrow wasn’t suitable for Yama-chan.’

He put back the result in the envelope. Shoon was determined now. He wanted to help Yamada as well. He knew the younger teen when Ya Ya Yah was still a group, and Yamada is like a brother to him already. Shoon has decided to make an appointment with Sakura-sensei tomorrow to test whether his bone marrow is suitable for Yamada.

-------------------------------------

Yamada knew that his condition is getting worse. He turned his to look at Takaki, whose sleeping with his head rested on Yamada’s shoulder. The whole JUMP members were at Chinen’s house, watching a movie. Yamada caressed Takaki’s hair with his free hand, careful not to wake Takaki.

‘He has been so patient with for this one week we’ve gotten back together,’ Yamada thought. ‘There’s a part of me that wanted him to know, but I can’t.’ Yamada closed his eyes. ‘That would be too selfish of me.’ He opened his eyes again, looking at Takaki again. ‘All I could do know is let Takaki have a very special memory of us together.’

From the other corner, Yabu saw Yamada staring at Takaki. Sadness flashed in his eyes. This was not fair to Yamada nor is it to Takaki. Yamada had been working hard since the time they debut, and now, he’s just starting to shine. It’s just not fair that all he’s hard work will be for nothing. Yabu felt someone taking a seat next to him.

“Hey,” Hikaru said, when Yabu looked at him.

“Hey,” Yabu replied.

“Yabucchi,” Hikaru started, “well, uh, I’m sorry about the other day, during the concert.”

“It’s alright,” Yabu replied. “You were just concerned about Yama-chan. Besides, I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. We’re family, right?”

Hikaru smiled. “And I didn’t mean to bring up Ya Ya Yah.” The younger teen knew, although Yabu had never mention it, but the leader still misses Ya Ya Yah, their old group.

“I told you, it’s fine,” Yabu said, ruffling Hikaru’s hair. Hikaru frowned. “That’s not cool, man,” he said.

-------------------------------------------

Yabu was in the midst of preparing snacks when he heard the doorbell rang. ‘That must be Shoon,’ he thought as he walked out of the kitchen. Yabu’s family was visiting a family in Osaka, but because of Yabu’s work at the jimusho, he can’t follow.

“Konbanwa,” Shoon said when Yabu opened the door.

“Konbanwa,” Yabu replied as Shoon gave him a peck on the cheek.

“I brought snacks,” Shoon said, giving Yabu the container containing onigiri that he made.

“Thanks,” Yabu said. “Why don’t you start the movie while I take all the snacks out.” Yabu went back into the kitchen. While he put all the things he prepared on a tray, he felt a pair of eyes staring at him. “Shoon, I thought I told you to start the movie first?” Yabu said when he looked up.

“Kota, I’m going to be Yama-chan’s donor,” Shoon said.

“E-Eh?” Yabu said, looking at Shoon with a surprised expression. “H-How did y-you know about Yama-chan?”

“I found your test result in your bag,” Shoon told his lover. “That’s how.”

Now Yabu knows what happened to his results. He had thought that he lost it somewhere in the jimusho. “But why…”

“Because Yama-chan’s a friend, ne?” Shoon replied, smiling.

Yabu didn’t realize that he had started crying when droplets of tears fell onto his hand. Shoon wiped his tears, saying, “Hey, don’t cry.” Yabu didn’t say anything; just bury his face in Shoon’s jacket. ‘Now Yama-chan could be saved,’ he thought.

-----------------------------------

While doing a quiz, Yamada felt his headache getting worse. His vision started to get blurry too. He felt a liquid substance falling down his nose. He touched it and saw the red substance. Yamada’s eyes widened. He stood up, wanting to go to the infirmary before anything happened, and everyone will know about his illness. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t by his side. When he tried to walk to the teacher’s table, he felt as if the room was spinning. He could only take a few steps before he fell to the ground, unconscious.

“Yama-chan!” Yuto yelled when he saw his best friend collapsed. Everyone else in the classroom had also looked at Yamada when they heard the sound of someone falling to the ground.

Yuto was already beside Yamada at that time. “Everyone, resume your quiz,” the teacher said. He looked at Yuto. “Nakajima, take Yamada to the infirmary.”

Yuto looked at the teacher. “There’s nothing the infirmary could do, sensei,” he said. “Yama-chan needs to be taken to the hospital.”

“Nakajima, Yamada just collapsed, he doesn’t-…”

“Yama-chan has leukemia,” Yuto whispered to the teacher. The teacher was surprised. Once he regained composure, he said, “I understand, Nakajima. Take Yamada to the infirmary first while waiting for the ambulance to arrive.” The teacher spoke in a low voice so that the other students couldn’t hear them.

---------------------------------------

“Yamada-kun’s condition is getting worse,” Sakura-sensei said. Yamada, who was already conscious, and his parents, were in Sakura-sensei’s office. “He’ll need to have the transplant soon.”

“But…he still doesn’t have a donor,” Mr. Yamada said.

“Actually, I’ve found a suitable match for Yamada-kun,” Sakura-sensei said. “He came to me and told me he wanted to be Yamada-kun’s donor.”

The three Yamada was surprised. “W-What?” Mrs. Yamada said. “Who is he?”

At that time, the door opened. “It’s me, Mrs. Yamada,” Shoon said, as he entered the office.

“S-Shoon-kun,” Yamada said, surprised.

“Hi, Yama-chan,” Shoon said, sitting next to Yamada.

“H-How did you found out?” Yamada asked.

“Actually, I followed Kota here,” Shoon answered. “I secretly looked at his test result, that’s how I found out. He didn’t break his promise.”

“Yabu-kun’s test result?” Yamada looked at Sakura-sensei, asking for an explanation.

“A few days before Yamashita-kun came, Yabu-kun came, saying he wanted to be your donor,” Sakura-sensei said, “but unfortunately his bone marrow wasn’t suitable.”

“Does this mean Ryosuke could have his bone marrow transplant immediately?” Yamada’s father asked.

“Yes, I’ll prepare the operation for tomorrow,” Sakura-sensei said. “Is it okay with you, Yamada-kun, or do you need some time to think?”

Yamada shook his head. Then, he asked, “Am I allowed to return home today?”

“Yes,” Sakura-sensei replied. “There’s nothing more wrong with you, so you could be discharged now.”

“Shoon-kun, are you going to the jimusho now?” Yamada asked the older boy.

“My class was canceled today, so I’m thinking of heading to jimusho early,” Shoon answered.

“Can I walk with you?”

“Sure,” Shoon answered, quite surprised with Yamada’s request.

“Ryosuke, are you sure you wanted to work today?” Mrs. Yamada asked. “You’ll exhaust yourself.”

“I promise I won’t,” Yamada told his mother.

“You better not exhaust yourself, Yamada-kun,” Sakura-sensei said. "Or I'll have to keep you here."

----------------------------------------

“Why didn’t Yabu-kun mention it to me?” Yamada asked Shoon as they walked towards the jimusho.

“He probably doesn’t want to raise your hope and to crush it later on, if his bone marrow wasn’t suitable for you,”

Yamada nodded his head, walking beside Shoon. “Shoon-kun…” Shoon looked at the younger boy. “Arigatou,” Yamada said.

----------------------------------------

During the photo shoot that day, Yamada was positioned beside Yabu. While the photographer made some last minute touch up, Yamada whispered to Yabu.

“Yabu-kun, arigatou. I knew you went to see Sakura-sensei.”

“Yama-chan, how did you find out?” Yabu whispered back.

“Shoon-kun told me,” Yamada replied. Yabu nodded his head. “Yabu-kun, I’m going to have my surgery tomorrow.”

“Have you told Takaki?” Yabu asked.

Yamada shook his head. “I’m not going to tell him.”

Before Yabu could say anything else, the photographer said, “Okay everyone, get into your positions.”

-------------------------------------------

END OF PART 5

Guest

That night, before Yuto and Yabu left the jimusho, they went to Yamada. They took Yamada in a corner, away from Takaki.

“Good luck for tomorrow, Yama-chan. I wish we could be there for you tomorrow,” Yuto said. “But I have to be here for practice.”

“Don’t worry, Yuto,” Yabu said. “I’ll be there on behalf of all the JUMP members. I’ve already told Johnny-san about it, and he had already given me permission.”

After Yabu and Yuto left, there was only Takaki and Yamada in JUMP’s room. Yamada saw Takaki packing his things. Quietly, he crept behind Takaki and hugged him. After a few seconds, Yamada heard the older boy chuckled and said, “Ryo-chan, what are you doing?”

“I just wanted to hug you,” Yamada answered. Usually, Yamada wasn’t the clingy type. But he was scared. If anything wrong happened the next day, he might not be able to see Takaki again.

Another chuckle was heard from Takaki. “Ryo-chan,” he said.

There was a short silence before Yamada asked, “Yuya, if…if I’m no longer here, will you remember me forever?”

“Why are you asking me this, Ryo-chan?”

“Please, Yuya, just answer me,” Yamada said, burying his face in Takaki’s back.

Takaki smiled. “Of course I will remember you forever, Ryosuke. No matter how long, no matter where you go, I’ll wait and love you forever.”

Yamada smiled. Takaki used his name, and not his nickname. That means Takaki was serious, not that he wasn’t serious before. “I’m happy,” Yamada said. “But I don’t want you to say you’ll love me forever. That would be selfish of me.”

-------------------------------------

Shoon was spending the night at Yabu’s since his family was still in Osaka. At half past three in the morning, Shoon’s cell phone rang.

“Moshi moshi,” Shoon answered the phone.

“Yamashita-kun, this is Sakura-sensei,” the doctor said.

“Sakura-sensei, is there anything wrong?” Shoon asked. Yabu was also awake at that time. The ringing phone had woken him up.

“It’s Yamada-kun,” Sakura-sensei said. “He’s in critical state. We need to perform the surgery now.”

“I understand.”

After Shoon turned off the cell phone, Yabu asked, “What wrong?”

“It’s Yama-chan,” Shoon said. “We need to go to the hospital now.” Yabu nodded his head.

END OF FLASHBACK

“Yama-chan keeps collapsing, having nosebleed, weight loss and bruises were all symptoms of leukemia,” Yabu explained.

“Did he think I’ll leave him if I found out about his illness?” Takaki asked. He looked at the older boy.

“No, Yama-chan didn’t tell you because he doesn’t want to hurt you,” Yabu said. “He loves you too much, Takaki.”

Takaki and Yabu returned to the operation room Yamada was in. Takaki went in front of Mr. and Mrs. Yamada. He bowed. “Mr. and Mrs. Yamada, I’m sorry I didn’t know about Ryo-chan’s illness earlier.”

Yamada’s parents looked at him. Mrs. Yamada shook her head. “No, Takaki-kun,” she said. “We’re the one who should thank you for taking care of Ryosuke.” Mrs. Yamada looked at Yabu. “You too Yabu-kun.”

A few hours later, Sakura-sensei came out of the surgery room. “How is he, Sakura-sensei?” Yamada’s father asked.

“If his body doesn’t reject the bone marrow, then everything will be fine,” Sakura-sensei said. “Shoon-kun is doing well too,” Sakura sensei said to the Yamashita’s.

---------------------------------

Yamada slowly opened his eyes, his eyelids felt heavy. He looked around. This was not his room. Yamada felt something warm holding his hand. He looked at his side and saw a sleeping Takaki.

‘Yuya,’ he thought.

“He’s been staying with you for three days,” Yabu said from the doorway. “He’ll immediately come over after work.”

“Yabu-kun,” Yamada said. “How long was I out?” he asked when Yabu was beside his bed.

“This will be the fourth day,” Yabu answered.

Yamada nodded his head. “How’s Shoon-kun?”

“He’s doing okay,” Yabu replied. “I’ll be leaving now, Yama-chan, but I’ll visit again with Chinen and Ryutaro later.” Before he leaves, he added in, “I’ll tell Sakura-sensei you’re awake.”

Yamada smiled. ‘Thank you, Yabu-kun, for everything.’

------------------------------------

Takaki was never a light sleeper, but somehow when he felt the slightest movement of Yamada’s fingers. He opened his eyes and saw Yamada gazing at him. He sat up straight immediately.

“Ryo-chan!” Takaki said.

Yamada gave a small smile. “Ohayou, Yuya,” he said.

“U-Uh, I-I’ll go call Sakura-sensei,” Takaki said. He stood up and was about to go when Yamada called out his name.

“Yuya, wait!” Yamada tried to sit up straight but he felt a sharp pain when he made even a little movement. He winced.

Takaki immediately went to his side, a worried look plastered on his face. “Ryo-chan, are you alright? Ryosuke?”

Yamada looked at Takaki with a smile. “I’m sorry that I worried you,” he said. Takaki sat on the chair beside Yamada. “You must felt sore sleeping the way you did.”

Takaki shook his head. “I can endure anything for you, Ryo-chan.” There was a pregnant silence. None of them said a word. Yamada looked outside the window. “Ryosuke, don’t ever do that to me again.” Yamada knew what Takaki meant but he didn’t reply. “When Yabu told me, I was so worried. I thought I could see you again.”

Tears ran down Yamada’s cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want you to get hurt. If anything went wrong, I wanted you to remember our special memories.”

Takaki took Yamada’s hands in his own and planted a kiss on it. “Ryosuke, I wasn’t kidding when I answered you last night. I’ll wait and love you forever.” With that, Takaki moved forward and kissed Yamada on the lips. “Ryo-chan, please stay with me forever.”

The end